Such is the way of the world
You can never know
Just where to put all your faith
And how will it grow
Gonna rise up
Burning back holes in dark memories
Gonna rise up
Turning mistakes into gold
Such is the passage of time
Too fast to fold
And suddenly swallowed by signs
Low and behold
Gonna rise up
Find my direction magnetically
Gonna rise up
Throw down my ace in the hole
As is typical, I don’t think I could have phrased my feelings as well as Eddie Vedder does above… With a month until departure I am a mass of hope and anticipation of the future ahead. On a recent bike ride, my thoughts were on a constant teeter between the wave of excitement to “rise up” and engage in the next chapter of my life, while at the same time, the melancholy of leaving the familiar continues to trickles into my thoughts.
Growing up with a mother who was a librarian, reading books was always a pastime of my childhood. I loved reading and still do today. The idea of jumping to other times, places, or even worlds by simply turning a page was an adventure I always cherished. However, as a child I always hated finishing the book. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I love when the rising action leads to a literary catharsis, and all the conflicts are resolved in some way, but I always dreaded turning the last page and ending the relationships I had established with the characters and their stories. I knew deep down that the story would not be complete until it was finished but still felt a certain reluctance to spending all that time and effort into immersion and simply coming to the end and moving on to something else.
Amidst the fray of graduation I feel a similar hesitance. One month from now, not only do I open a new book but figuratively take the pen and begin my own story. Soon enough I will begin my tenure as a Jesuit Volunteer in Pohnpei, Micronesia. The story is one I have been anxious to write for some time now, however, the nostalgia of closing a new book from my youth continues to creep up at times.
I look to great endings for solace. Unlike works of the pen, film is a medium conducive to great endings. The Sixth Sense, The Usual Suspects, Kubrick’s finest, and the works of Akira Kurosawa build stories that rely on strong endings. If you will, begin to imagine the Star Wars trilogy without the shock of the phrase “Luke I am your father…” Surprises are innate to our human psyche. We seek the unexpected to give our lives new meaning, but can only grip such surprises by accepting them and opening up new endings. Much like a great film, surprise endings and un-foreseeable new beginnings give our lives new meanings and deeper understandings.
So, I am going to heed Eddie’s advice and rise up and embrace the uncertainty of a new beginning with the fervor of one doing his best to live the best he can, love all he meets, and regret nothing. For those not available to join me on this new adventure, I invite you to follow along my blog, I promise to keep you appraised of the new chapters that continue to open up in my life.
As well, I would like to thank all those who have donated to JVI on my behalf over the last month and a half. Your incredible generosity makes the work of JV’s like myself possible. For any still wishing to donate, Checks can be made out to “Jesuit Volunteers International” c/o Luke Lavin, and mailed to Jesuit Volunteers International, P.O. 3756 Washington, D.C. 20027-0256. If you prefer, online donations made be made by check or credit card at www.jesuitvolunteers.org/donatejvi. JVI is a 501 non-profit corporation with an IRS tax identification number of 52-1360384. All donations are fully tax deductible.
